aren't you glad this was the first video post

[britbrat]

[ Badgernet's video function is broken in today by a disconcertingly close-up pair of blue eyes and a muffled: ]

- oh, blast -

[ Some fiddling and repositioning later, the eyes are revealed to belong to a boy no older than eleven, wearing an unusually green suit and an expression of astonishment. ]

I say, this really is a marvelous little device, isn't it? Right, then:

[ He straightens up to his full height of... not very tall, rearranging his face into a practiced superciliousness. ]

It's all well and good to go around claiming to be angels and devils and what have you, but clearly this gadget's more than just an elaborate typewriter, isn't it? I suggest you all show yourselves! Look, I've done so first, as a gesture of goodwill.

[ And definitely not because he hit the video button by accident while snooping! Luckily(?), internet stranger danger isn't a concept in his time yet, so he continues: ]

And shall we take a roll call while we're at it? You may call me Valmont, and at present I am located in San Francisco, in the year 1976 A.D. Are all of you people really from the future - ?

Who are you talking to, sweetie?

Oh, double blast -

[ A hasty rearranging of the camera view, and a brief close-up of the inside of an expensive suit pocket, before the feed turns off. ]

Comments

[turingcompletionist]

Oh, SF? Cool. I'm in San Jose for work shit right now myself.

[The woman on the other side of the screen looks somewhere nebulously in her early middle age thanks to regeneration nanites. She's obviously Latina, mildly pretty, with hazel eyes and dyed hair.]

And I am not only from the future, I'm seventy years in your future. We still don't have flying cars yet in 2047, though.

[britbrat]

I don't know if "cool" would be precisely the word I would use. It's all right, I'm sure, if you enjoy endless heat and pollution, but personally, I've lived in more interesting cities.

[ His accent is very definitely posh British. ]

No flying cars? Honestly, what's the point of living in the future at all? Do you have any sort of impressive technology, then, other than this multi-reality phone thing, which I assume has to come from one of your timelines? Or magic? Have you got magic?

[turingcompletionist]

I mean, we have faster-than-light spaceships now--that's pretty cool, right? And nanofabrication. Oh and a little innovation of mine that I call the Turing Complete Artificial Intelligence--absolutely indistinguishable from humans when you upload them into Andrax bioroid bodies.

I've personally been involved in the creation of fourteen different post-Singularity Artificial Intelligences. You should really meet my kids someday. They're the best. They're up in space now, of course--we needed a really big macrocomputer for them to live on.

[britbrat]

[ Okay, give him a minute to chew through all that. There's a lot of terminology in there that he just doesn't understand, but... ]

You're telling me you've invented robots? ...Space robots?

[turingcompletionist]

I mean, sort of? They aren't in their bioroid bodies a lot of the time, so I don't know how much they count as 'robots.' But they are Artificial Intelligences and they did all pass the Turing Test with flying colors.

[britbrat]

But they can employ physical bodies, correct? Does... does this mean I could finally get a robot butler?

[ Be still, his greedy little heart. ]

[turingcompletionist]

Not one of my kids. They're all way too busy to spend their time as a kid's bioroid butler.

But yeah, uh, that kind of thing is possible in my time. Hell, a more basic TCAI could actually fit inside a bioroid without having to be remotely controlled from space like the kids are.

[britbrat]

Outstanding!

[ His eyes glitter. ]

What would it take for me to acquire one of these bio-somethings?

[turingcompletionist]

Um, honestly, I've no clue how I'd be able to send one from here to your world?

Plus we'd probably want you to sign a written agreement that you won't knowingly hurt or abuse them and then you'd need to wait a year or so, because they'd need to be properly raised first.

[britbrat]

Well, figure it out! You're supposed to be the blasted genius, aren't you? I'll sign whatever you want, as long as it won't result in my soul being eaten, so don't try that on me again.

[ Valmont, Alastor was trying to warn you away from getting your soul eaten... ]

[turingcompletionist]

[Flat stare.]

Not if you're going to be a brat about it, kiddo. A TCAI is a big responsibility, you know.

[britbrat]

Oh, that won't be a problem. Once I return home, I shall have one of the servants take care of any responsibilities that may arise. You see? Nothing to worry about.

[turingcompletionist]

So you want me to make you a person so you can dump their care and maintenance on someone else?

[britbrat]

Yes! Precisely!

[ This lady gets it! ]