aren't you glad this was the first video post

[britbrat]

[ Badgernet's video function is broken in today by a disconcertingly close-up pair of blue eyes and a muffled: ]

- oh, blast -

[ Some fiddling and repositioning later, the eyes are revealed to belong to a boy no older than eleven, wearing an unusually green suit and an expression of astonishment. ]

I say, this really is a marvelous little device, isn't it? Right, then:

[ He straightens up to his full height of... not very tall, rearranging his face into a practiced superciliousness. ]

It's all well and good to go around claiming to be angels and devils and what have you, but clearly this gadget's more than just an elaborate typewriter, isn't it? I suggest you all show yourselves! Look, I've done so first, as a gesture of goodwill.

[ And definitely not because he hit the video button by accident while snooping! Luckily(?), internet stranger danger isn't a concept in his time yet, so he continues: ]

And shall we take a roll call while we're at it? You may call me Valmont, and at present I am located in San Francisco, in the year 1976 A.D. Are all of you people really from the future - ?

Who are you talking to, sweetie?

Oh, double blast -

[ A hasty rearranging of the camera view, and a brief close-up of the inside of an expensive suit pocket, before the feed turns off. ]

Comments

[britbrat]

That's not fair!

[ He stamps a scrawny foot, face contorting in indignation. ]

If I give you money, that means you have to do what I want! And there's nothing wrong with having the ambition to better oneself!

[silentsummoning]

No. It is clear your parents did not teach you well. And wanting to better oneself is not bad, but wanting to do so at the expense of others is.

[britbrat]

Ugh! Have it your blasted way - I shall simply find someone else to teach me, that's all. Surely another of your kind will find this network sooner or later. One more amenable to making proper deals.

[silentsummoning]

I will also inform you that you need a baseline spiritual affinity, something which I doubt someone from another world would have.

[She isn't going to mention the illegal spiritual affinity raising drug her parents are secretly working on.]

[britbrat]

How do you know if you have that?

[ Midichlorians? It's midichlorians, isn't it. ]

[silentsummoning]

A summoner takes one look at you and tries to recruit you as an apprentice.

[britbrat]

Well, you might have just said I didn't possess your silly affinity in the first place.

[silentsummoning]

I cannot see your affinity over the site, but I, like my master, are one of those who are more choosy about our apprentices. Even if you had the affinity for it, you do not possess the personality traits I would look for in an apprentice.

[britbrat]

Yes, you've made that quite clear. No matter - I shall find someone more capable to teach me magic, and when I do, I shan't spare a thought for you or your utter impertinence.

[silentsummoning]

I am quite proud to be called impertinent by someone like you.

[britbrat]

You would be, you - you do-gooder.

[ Clearly that's the strongest pejorative he can think of, or at least the strongest G-rated one. ]

First that blasted devil, now you. I expect you types will be forming your own coalition of justice any day now.

[silentsummoning]

[That actually gets some laughter from Auau. She makes a mental note to talk more to this devil.]

[britbrat]

[ aw fudge did he just give her ideas ]

[silentsummoning]

Anyways, I believe we have exhausted our conversation. I would wish you a good day if not for our differences of morality.

[britbrat]

Likewise, madam.

[ He at least has enough courtesy in him to acknowledge a hypothetical well-wish. ]

[silentsummoning]

[At least he has some manners.]