badgernet_multiversal | aren't you glad this was the first video post

[ Badgernet's video function is broken in today by a disconcertingly close-up pair of blue eyes and a muffled: ]

- oh, blast -

[ Some fiddling and repositioning later, the eyes are revealed to belong to a boy no older than eleven, wearing an unusually green suit and an expression of astonishment. ]

I say, this really is a marvelous little device, isn't it? Right, then:

[ He straightens up to his full height of... not very tall, rearranging his face into a practiced superciliousness. ]

It's all well and good to go around claiming to be angels and devils and what have you, but clearly this gadget's more than just an elaborate typewriter, isn't it? I suggest you all show yourselves! Look, I've done so first, as a gesture of goodwill.

[ And definitely not because he hit the video button by accident while snooping! Luckily(?), internet stranger danger isn't a concept in his time yet, so he continues: ]

And shall we take a roll call while we're at it? You may call me Valmont, and at present I am located in San Francisco, in the year 1976 A.D. Are all of you people really from the future - ?

Who are you talking to, sweetie?

Oh, double blast -

[ A hasty rearranging of the camera view, and a brief close-up of the inside of an expensive suit pocket, before the feed turns off. ]

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[ Once Shin's audio bubble pops up on screen, Valmont snaps: ] I don't recall asking for your opinion -

[ But as the stranger continues with his story, Valmont visibly pales. Oh. Oh dear. ]

That - but surely that doesn't happen in every case - does it?

[ Oh. Apparently it does, according to Alastor. Valmont swallows hard, weighing the promise of unlimited money and power against that of a messy end. Suddenly the former is beginning to seem a lot less inviting. ]

And you - aren't you supposed to be on my side?

[ Oh good, the child's intimidated. Maybe he'll be able to duck out of this conversation quicker than expected. ]

Oh, I believe it does. Demons are hungry creatures, you know.

[ ... Right, Alastor might be a demon too. This could get awkward. ]

We are. Most demons even demand regular blood sacrifices, and I don't think I have to go into what our idea of debt collection is like.

[He shakes his head.]

I've always been kinda fond of kids, so I'm on the side of you not doing anything dumb while too young to know how much you could end up regretting it.

[ Valmont's expression travels from horror to dismay before finally making a stop, as it so often does, at indignation. ]

Typical! I actually meet a devil, and he turns out to be a do-gooder like all the rest of them! How am I supposed to acquire untold magical powers now?!

[Oh, you've said it now. His eyes flash, literally glowing brighter behind his visor, and his wings flare out...bigger than they looked while they were folded behind him. Thunder actually rumbles wherever he is, and when he speaks, it's in a deeper tone that prompts an alarmed, high pitched 'bii' sound from somewhere in the background, along with a clatter like someone knocked something over.]

You're really that determined, huh? Well, it's your soul...but don't forget, a devil always demands his due. Just what do you think you can offer me that's worth my time and energy?

N- now wait a minute, I haven't actually agreed to anything yet - !

[ The thing is, all that stuff the other two have been saying? It's done a pretty good job at actually scaring Valmont away from the whole deal-with-a-devil idea. He begins edging back from the screen, because even though he's pretty sure there's nothing Alastor can do to him over a video call when no deal's been struck, the thought that there might be is creepy as hell, and the sudden, spooky change in atmosphere really hasn't helped in that regard. ]

I - I'm sure I haven't got very much that would be of value to you anyway. Shame, really...!

[ His voice rapidly ascends a couple octaves. ]

You haven't, you've still got every option of backing out. But you sounded so eager a second ago, I thought you were committed to negotiating.

Not that I can argue you probably don't have anything, though. Somehow, I doubt a kid can do much for me that wouldn't be easier to just do myself.

Of course I was eager about it, when I didn't think it was actually going to happen!

[ Can you argue with that logic? ]

Right. Shame we couldn't do business and all that, but, er. If you ever come up with any method of gaining power that doesn't involve any part of me getting horribly devoured, I shall be happy to listen.

[He shrugs and re-folds his wings...which seem to take up much less space than their full size a moment ago would suggest. There's some more clattering in the background, as if someone was working on cleaning up a mess.]

Nothing off the top of my head, unless you happen to have access to alchemical reagents.

[ Oh, thank god, the devil's not going to push the subject. Valmont lets out a sigh of relief and immediately tries to pretend he didn't. Was someone scared for his life in this conversation? Ha ha not him!! ]

As I have no idea what those are, I shall go ahead and assume that I don't, shall I?

Good assumption. In that case, I guess you're just stuck with hard work. Shortcuts tend to be risky.

Hard work?!

[ You'd be forgiven for assuming Alastor had suggested he eat a live puppy, given how outraged Valmont sounds at that comment. ]

Absolutely not. There's bound to be some way out there to achieve wealth and power without exerting (eurgh) effort. I just have to find it, that's all.

None that don't have some kind of trade off or risk, at least not for mortals. You guys get to make whatever you want of you world, but there's no such thing as a free lunch.

There should be.

[ Pout. ]

Nah, trust me on this...shortcuts like that? Eventually, someone's gonna get it in their head that they don't want anyone replicating their success. Happened in the underworld, and I can't exactly say it ended well for anyone.

And I suppose you'll try to scare me straight with that story as well, will you?

Nope, just a reason to not grumble too much. If a shortcut like that existed for humans, you'd probably already be living under the iron fisted rule of the most recent person to find it.

All the more reason, I should think, to become that person myself.

[ Iron fisted rule? Doesn't sound too bad, depending on which side of it you're looking from. ]

aren't you glad this was the first video post

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